i am grateful for…

1) um. lots of things. but right now i can’t think of anything specific. which means i need to.

2) ah–that bw made it through the surgery ok (is it terrible that i’m only basing this on fb updates? but i hope it’s true and have been quietly sending you healing vibes et love)

3) hilarious corporate jargon (i need to do a gratitude list of just my long-time collection)

4) acupuncture

5) coyotes in nyc

6) free coffee at organique on wednesdays

7) that our climate control might get under control

8) planning multiple march mini vacations

9) such sweet texts

10) semicolons and em-dashes

i am grateful for…

1) pequena’s fish tacos

2) olympic wintry fever fun and views of whistler

3) homemade healthier mocha

4) jbc

5) hanging with jj and kk at their two-year-old’s b-day party. and pink balloons and learning the term “donald duck”– for when kids somehow yank off their pants and run around in just a shirt and sneakers

6) seriously sweaty kula yoga

7) plowing through a whole bunch of work last week. life really is better when my old frenemy procrastination is not hanging around, huffing down my neck

8) vicariously skiing in canada

9) going to kripalu next month–excited for yoga, food, sauna, mountains–being there for the first time in a very long time

10) the neato book, “how to be an adult in relationships: the 5 keys to mindful loving,” by david richo, which, in its intro, promises to address these questions:

- what will it take for me to find the happiness i always wanted?

- will i feel loved the way i always wanted to be loved?

- what will it take for me to let go of the past?

- will i learn to protect my own boundaries, insist that others honor them, and honor those of others?

- will i ever let go of the need to control?

- will i ever dare to love with all my heart?

good, right?

11) the sparkly pink maui girl bikini in the sports illustrated swimsuit issue

i am grateful for:

1) vegan fudge brownies

2) giant hearts carved into sand

3) how a cheezy holiday can be turned personal and sweet (i know, that’s just what hallmark wanted, but sometimes it’s ok to let the marketers win)

4) lost, found, full, lovely weekends of sunset roses, coconut curry, red silk, a dulcimer, poetry, kale pesto, and open gratitude

5) divine presence right here

6) the muppet movie. have you not re-seen it lately? it is so worth your winter hours

7) coffee

8) luff

9) having clean glasses

10) sunshine on snow

11) mondays off

12) that my co-worker sherry huang won the strand poetry contest with her smart, literary sonnet:

Ode to the Aisles of Strand
Milton himself got lost in paradise
On his way to Jane Austen for late tea
While Cervantes tried for windmill’s demise
Sendak and his wild things set out to sea
When Woolf said she’d buy the flowers herself
Forster, he searched for a room with a view
As F. Scott admired the Great Gatsby’s wealth
Balzac was paired with a seamstress and shoe
One Bronte pined for Heathcliff on the moor
Oh! Seuss didn’t know the places to go
But Lewis dared step through a wardrobe’s door
To Strand, where loved authors hold status quo
In eighteen miles all books find residence
Where written treasures still take precedence

13) vous

i am grateful for…

1) the lovely yogis and yoginis i get to interview once in a while. who remind me why i love yoga and how to practice so that it’s not just an ass-enhancing event. who remind me of the difference between yoga and, say, pilates: attention, attunement, expansion through subtle psychological, emotional, and physical exploration. to be more curious than aggressive with myself, without collapsing into “i can’t.” balance, balance, balancing. yoga is an inside job. we can expand from a flowing, soft, open core out into strong, stable bodies and lightly inquiring, kind minds.

2) buying myself pink carnations today

3) feeling spent in a good way, like i am unburdened of some yuckness born of emotional stagnancy, relieved of something i didn’t even have a name for.

4) s’s moving, awesome page one story in the nyt today about a man who rescued his parents in haiti. read.

5) bathtubs

6) magical, beautiful snow

7) staying with myself even when i feel like such an idiot. you know the “uhg, i can’t believe i said that” moments that feel like a big deal to you at least? and then instead of doing anything, just feeling the hot acid flush of shame, or whatever that is, blaze your face, and taking a few tight, shallow, but conscious breaths, and doing the next thing.

8) doing the next thing. really. that phrase has saved my life over and over and over. thanks, c.

9) perfect, fluffy-sticky snow-ball snow–tossed bare-handed

10) the notion of snowga!

11) construction paper

12) non-fat greek yogurt

13) my uncle george, who died yesterday. realize i’m burying the lead, but: he was funny and full of laughter with a gigantic belly, loose lungs, full head of black hair, and grew the most amazing tomatoes and chillies in his southern california backyard. i learned to play croquet on that hyper-mowed bright green lawn that felt like rough carpet and was bordered with lemon trees. and when i was little, a blond boy named ricky lived next door and he was, i thought, my personal ricky schroeder even though we talked once a year until i was 10 or so. george had tons of food for anyone who crossed the threshold and he loved his dogs, two kids, and three wives, especially the last one, and taught me, or showed me, ideal hosting with his bottomless generosity and genuine, uncley care. r.i.p., georgie. we miss you already.

i am grateful for….

1) possible gigantic snowstorms

2) hearts everywhere

3) the amazing pool at gurney’s inn

4) winter ocean

5) this, which just came in breszny’s newsletter: “Your body needs to be held and to hold, to be touched and to touch. None of these needs is to be despised, denied, or repressed. But you have to keep searching for your body’s deeper need, the need for genuine love. Every time you are able to go beyond the body’s superficial desires for love, you are bringing your body home and moving toward integration and unity.” - Henri Nouwen

6) the prospect of trying out my new mini slow-cooker

7) getting back on the trampoline

8) being heard and liked (i think) despite the neurotic, circle-talking, pre-ambling, pre-rambling weirdness i trip into sometimes

9) liz lemon

10) glorious cheerleaders

11) large men in tight gold pants, or as e. said, “i like gold butts, i cannot lie.”

12) chili

13) my first taste of bouillabaisse

14) keeping the balls all in the air and they are many and plenty and good

15) for my brave chicas who are keeping on keeping on despite the large piles of crap in the road. who may even learn to make fuel from it or just whiz past it to a sunnier part of the world. i am humbled by your persevering and dedication to growing, to coming out better somehow from the seeming badness. you help me in the process, and so many others, you have no idea.

16) feeling like a flower right now

i am grateful for a job that lets me write about gratitude!

my latest for beliefnet:

‘the ultimate gratitude list, from a-z’

i am grateful for:

1) virgin snow sidewalks under streetlights

2) the fluffy white drifting by my window

3) the amazing green soup recipe from yoga journal–thanks, ladeez!

4) candlelit yoga

5) the teacher coming up to me tonight while i was in a low lunge, arms raised, one knee on the floor, and saying, “can you untuck your toes?” and me saying “when i do it makes my knee unhappy” and her saying, “then you should do exactly what you’re doing. i love when people figure it out for themselves.” and then gently adjusting the rest of me.

6) sage

7) doppleganger week on facebook. i know, stupid, but kinda cool.

8) making veggie chili and actually taking my lunch to work. twice.

9) hanging out with someone and having time unspool so it feels like you’re in a time-free bubble where it’s just you, them, the immediate space around you, and the connection between you. i love that.

10) bright red toenails

11) that l. is keeping me informed with “the week”

12) the word lucidity

13) the amazing passage in “the psychedelic experiment” when the word “psychedelic” is invented:

“[Aldous] Huxley’s 1953 mescaline trip revealed many things, including the limitations of using the word psychomimetic to describe this experience. Yes, these drugs could mimic the psychotic state. They could give the user feelings of paranoia. But they could also promote positive inslight. They could reveal mystical realms. ‘Aldous and I decided that the words we were using for these strange chemical instruments were idiotic,’ [Humphrey] Osmond later recalled. ‘We wanted to encourage people to use them intelligently.’”

… “Huxley suggested phanerothyme, which meant “to make the soul visible,” along with the poem: “To make this trivial world sublime/Take half a gramme of phanerothyme.” Not bad, Osmond thought, but not quite right. It sounded a bit too botanical…. [Osmond] decided that psyche was more neutral than psycho, and then he came across the word delos, “to reveal.” There it was. Psychedelic would be the word, and Osmond’s little poem sealed the deal: “To fathom hell or soar angelic/Just take a pinch of psychedelic.”