this is like christmas day at the christmas tree shop! or something. on this day where millions are sitting down and reviewing their blessings, i am grateful….

1) that the v-family is having me over for organic turkey and whatnot

2) that i’m going up to dance and hot-tub this weekend

3) that i get to see rb

4) that j. is safe and sound and no longer in mumbai

5) that most of us are safe daily

6) the book of poems, “staying alive”

7) purple flowers

8) the abby cadabby thanksgiving day parade balloon

9) clean dishes

10) that there are so many things to be grateful for

11) my friends

12) rob brezsny

13) love

i’m grateful for….

1) seeing michael franti and spearhead on saturday. gotta love a spearhead crowd, even in times square: after michael’s story about an israeli and palestianian family grieving together, some dude yells from the back, sincerely, “thanks for sharing.”
2) my new fuzzy clogs.
3) that i’m ignoring the news for the moment. still recovering from election obsession.
4) that it’s a short week.
5) meditating with noah levine and the dharma punx last night in the bowery. i even asked a question during the q&a. during the sitting part, as i was watching my usual mishigas of thinking and thinking and thinking about the same three things, he said to shift away from the breath and use mindfulness to be present to all your senses. i had a brain-coming-to-a-grinding halt moment. wait. mindfulness means i can use my mind? put it to good use instead of destructive, bad use like how it’s torturing me now? mindfulness. i realized i actually don’t know what that means. so i told my mini story and asked. he seemed a little amused. he said it’s about how you direct your attention. you don’t just rigidly focus on your breath. you don’t just stay still. you become present to all of it. you kind of expand your attention to include it all. at least that’s what i got from what he said. not sure if my question was all that coherent. but it was scary to ask with all those people, all those serious, punk-rock meditators, so i’m glad i did.
6) that i’m getting out of dodge for the weekend.
7) running into a friend from elementary school this morning who i haven’t seen since sixth grade. she’s adorable and pregnant and it was so nice to see her. and it was only because i explored a new coffee shop in a neighborhood i am almost never in. weird. and cool. and so old-school for it to have nothing to do with the internet.
8) gilmore girls, season 4
9) that tomorrow eve is shrinkage.
10) lunching with k today, also cute and pregnant and enjoying that we’ve known each other for so long. gad, 23 years. wow.

just back from the doctor’s and grateful for…

1) not having cance-ah, babeee!!!!!
2) dr. z. in his northface fleece with a whole in his pocket lining because  he “left a dog cookie in the pocket.”
3) getting a loving but almost cursory exam. and man, cursory feels good. because cursory is not concerned. cursory is no cancer.
4) the cool guy in the waiting room (really more of a waiting lounge) who also loves dr. z, who had a “tumor the size of a football” in his abdomen. but is now well and living in florida.
5) relief. major fracking relief.
6) that the medical fellow was sweet. maybe anyone would be sweet at the “your bloodwork looks fine” moment, tho.
7) dinner with my mom at the divine candle 79. my first full meal there. soooo delightful and vegan and you must try the almond-joy chocolate mousse thing. and the pomegranate sake cosmo.
8) the love
9) impending friday
10) warmth

1) running into an old high school friend today and seeing that he’s healthy and happy
2) downloading le freak by le chic for my morning trampoline bounce
3) that i feel connected
4) hitting m’s farm stand right before closing and getting a steal on veggies
5) eating a lovely greenmarket salad and purple and pink (inside!) potatoes with a hardboiled egg for dinner with annie’s goddess dressing and garlic chili flax oil. yum
6) building excitement for michael franti!
7) that i seem to be staying calmish despite the fact that i go to the oncologist tomorrow for a checkup
8) that i don’t have cancer any more
9) that dr. z is my doctor. the best doctor evah.
10) love from friends around the whole testing thing

fire to flame to pan to bed.

i’m grateful for:
1) heat
2) hot baths
3) hot cardamom coffee
4) chocolate covered bananas from tj’s
5) thinking about cuddling
6) that dudes keep checking me out, even in my 900 layers
7) meditating today with n & ls. so nice to get quiet, no clacking.
8) purple
9) president-elect obama (i know, but i just can’t stop glowing)
10) staying sane in the lead up to testing on thursday
11) connections that don’t require inventing or enhancing, that just are, even when they’re messy
12) you, for reading. it really is so nice.

hello. so, i’m in countdown mode to the bi-annual visit to dr. z. on thursday. this time it’s just blood tests–no scanning and electric kool-aid tests. not to completely jinx it, but this time i don’t feel quite so impending doom-y. i mean, what happens happens, but i feel healthy and strong. always weird to go to that hospital, tho. to be in a huge building full of people with cancer. to be reminded. no matter how much i adore dr. z, seeing him is a comfort and a threat all in one.

so, once again, that said, i am grateful for:

1) feeling strong and healthy
2) a great dinner and far-ranging chatting with m. tonight
3) not having more than 200 emails today
4) all the people who covered for me while i was gone
5) water
6) quietness
7) wine
8) that the heat is nice and cooking in my apartment
9) that there will be a solar- and wind-powered billboard in times square
10) this exceedingly helpful gallery on beliefnet about letting go of past loves. not just saying that because they pay the bills.

there’s no heat in this apartment, but the leaves are dropping so there’s more light. it’s very novembery. the holidays are looming a bit. first time i’ll be solo for them in half a decade. this being alone business is overwhelming, but also… fortifying? like vitamin d? and weightlifting? and truth-telling? and brisk walks with wet hair in november wind? maybe so.

i’m grateful…

1) that t was born 38 years ago today
2) that h was born 46 years ago on tuesday
3) for j’s wonderful studio sale and how i feel so inspired to make art and write after being around her lovely work
4) this incredibly vile-tasting ginseng syrup that seems to be giving me a boost
5) noticing the thought loops more
6) that i just booked a dance weekend (yip!)
7) that the loud, crunchy, squeaky kitchen mouse seems to have only eaten one thing–wheatgrass berry seeds!
8) meditating on metro-north
9) for all the scorpios in my life (can anyone explain why an aries sun, moon, and venus girl has so many scorp friends? kindred martians?)
10) sunday

i’m grateful….
1) that lt was born today 35 years ago.
2) that i found eight red envelopes in my desk
3) that carnations can be so pretty
4) a new haircut
5) that i meditated for 45 minutes today. that makes up for some of the gilmore-girls vegging, right?
6) for the funky chinese herbal syrup and tempeh chili from organic heights
7) that i finally found a power necklace. amethyst powah, baby.
8) that i had a whole week off
9) bravery
10) obama, still

i’m mid-vacation. ignoring emails. (sorry.) doing my best to unwind to semi-avail. i’m grateful for:

1) walking on the gorgeous new jersey beach today, collecting beach glass, chilling with the gulls, praying. then being there with the vast calm ocean and the zaftig moon.
2) getting rubbed with hot stones. omg. so. good.
3) steamrooms and swimming pools. i forgot how much i love swimming. it’s like liquid hugs everywhere.
4) getting my ass kicked with a fabulous thai massage yesterday that reminded me where all the tension goes. ohhh, everywhere, even my forehead. fuck. must move chi.
5) cucumber margaritas (those are great for chi-flow, right?)
6) sitting two rows behind one of my favorite famous musicians at happy-go-lucky, a really smart, somewhat revelatory movie. and listening to him laugh at the smartest parts.
7) cookies
8) spa hair
9) how angst helps the writing
10) that my first love friended me on facebook
11) that i’m going to see speeeearhead!!!!!!

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue — Rainer Maria Rilke