i think today is perfect for the reminder j. gave me last night: “do one thing every day that scares you.”
for me, today, it’s writing on a deadline about a large topic that i feel a bit unworthy of at the moment. how can you live up to eleanor’s directive today? to do the kind of scary that’s a treat? the kind that will get you closer to the thing that’s your thing–your juicy dharma?
1) getting some work done tonight
2) talking to LS after hours
3) that the pain of letting go is less bad than the pain of holding on
4) my gigantic head of hair
5) meeting s. for yoga at laughing lotus at 7:30 this morning
6) that my upper back finally released a bit in chiro yesterday (louise hay says upper back pain means you feel unloved. hm.)
7) the gorgeous night fall sky and its modest showing of city stars
8) that some residual anger seems to be helping my work for the moment
9) that i get to go to sleep any minute now
10) switching desks to a better feng shui’d location
11) being a-freaking-live
hi. word of the day: frustration existential motif of the day: trying to move forward reality of the day: spinning wheels base emotion of the day: sadness. and anxiety. desire of the day: that which i cannot seem to have goddess petitioned today: gauri–parvati before she hooked up with shiva higher intention of the day: serenity color of the day: gray-blue wish of the day: a happy presidential outcome deeper wish of the day: peace everywhere prayer of the day: may i be free of suffering. may all beings be free of suffering. may i kiss again. may i dance soon. may we all touch our cosmic soul groove. may we all know love. may we all know peace. may we all dance with our wild angels. things to do today: yadda, yadda, deadline, yadda, dishes, yadda. accomplishment of the day: not calling my shrink new cool thing i learned today: nyc has prayer booths
thing i remembered today: we all suffer thing i forgot today: to be kind to myself thing i feel bad about today: missing co-counseling, not getting enough work done regret of the day: the final note i sent that appeared to leave things open and a subsequent lack of closure and feeling of waiting other regret of the day: not getting enough work done what i’m most grateful for today: my great, great girlfriends what i want right now: a hug and a massage what i want to give right now: reassurance, a hug, and a massage reality i am avoiding today: financial flower of the day: tiger lillies yoga pose of the day: headstand, without touching the wall
so i realized today that i have some vacation time left, much more than i thought. i’m thinking of taking off a week next month, maybe a little bit more. but can’t figure out where to go, exactly. i’m thinking i’d like it to have some yoga and/or some other spiritual component, possibly be international, something i can do alone without being totally alone, warm(er) is good but not required. oh and not too pricey. i was seriously getting psyched about the possibility of findhorn in scotland. but discovering that might be more work and feeling-sharing than i really want right now.
so, where would you send a spiritually hungry (yet earth-bound) gal who loves to do yoga and boogie and bond (but not too much) and chill? any fave retreat centers? sacred islands? calming vortices? soothing (cheap) spas? ashram disco nature preserves?
1) rb and shared efforts of being conscious and kind
2) my grandma’s afghans that are keeping me warm at night
3) actually, in fact, letting go
4) the color of the sky today, like the densest blue evah
5) trusting my heart
6) not losing my mind in this deadline. yet.
7) being less sad right now than i have been in a while
8) rumi
9) going to kula in the morning with the girlz again
10) journeydance on november 7th with toni at jivamukti
11) loss
it’s sort of a heart-sad, chilly saturday evening here at chez me. but i’m leaving in a bit to decorate cupcakes (read: eat them) at j’s party. and i’ve saged and tidied, and lit a candle and taken a bath and avoided the work i need to do on a project (yikes, deadline, looming).
i’m grateful for:
1) ani difranco singing amazing grace
2) tealights
3) hugs
4) pablo the wonder dog
5) cool squash from the farmers’ market. so psyched to try.
6) taking care of my heart in a way that i never have before. not that it’s pleasant. or easy. but it feels healthy and wise.
7) the mc yogi obama video (see below)
8) the delicious, inward, cleansing arc part of sadness
9) my transcribing friend t.
10) god
wow, this week seriously just keeps on coming. i can’t tell if i’m being a little drama-y or if it really is this crazy. but i sort of feel like someone slipped me a mickey at some point on monday that just keeps on micking.
i’m grateful for…
1) peppermint tea
2) shelter
3) my rollercoaster heart
4) abs
5) that LS brought me this book today, The Song of Mother Divine by Sue Saraswati. It’s tiny and lovely and perfectly wisely puts the love into your heart, swoosh, no net. You can read the text and listen to audio here.
each day this week feels like a battle fought and half lost. or half won, depending. internal battles against thoughts and will and fiery imaginings and catastrophic scenarios, and pre-emptive disappointment fantasies. and external battles against computers and systems and subways and bakasana. which are internal too. but at least have one foot in reality. or two palms. (sorry, lame yoga joke.)
but it’s a chilly mid-fall night in brooklyn. the leaves are mostly still green and supple. but crisping at the edges. and some are dropping crazy brown crescent pods like cacao maracas. the city feels busy, building, at its top thrum of energy and excitement.
i am grateful for:
1) another lovely class at sonic yoga. it really feels like yoga there. it’s cool.
2) returning to center
3) tom yum soup
4) the little head/face rub from the teacher at the end of class. my whole nervous system released a level. tears. but nice.
5) this great larry david piece about the election
6) that it will al be over soon
7) an easing up, slightly, despite tumult
8) increasing, incremental sanity
9) staying open
10) puppies!!!
“ha-ha!” cackled yesterday. “if you think today is bad, wait ’til tomorrow.”
so. much. stress.
i am grateful for:
1) the breaths in between
2) sleep
3) another chance tomorrow
4) that i’m doing my best not to take it personally
5) new york magazine and the new yorker
6) knowing that somewhere someone is having orgasms like wild angels
7) lentils
8) tylenol
9) pumpkins
10) rob brezsny
i think today is perfect for the reminder j. gave me last night: “do one thing every day that scares you.”