Long time no blog. So how cool was Melissa on the Grammy’s the other night? Bald and rocking hard, one month out of chemo. I want to know her regimen. Me? This will be shortish because I don’t really feel like kvetching even though I really feel like kvetching. This is a sucky, hard time. There’s not much that doesn’t hurt and the hot flashes are frequent, very, very frequent. Yay for the drugs that are now helping me at least sleep through them.
And yay for Singin’ in the Rain, which was our Valentine’s film. It was cheering, despite some unseemly covert statements about women and power and image and Hollywood. That I’m way too foggy to dissect. But I’m acquiring a sideboard today, yay, to make kitchen life easier (I have no kitchen counter), to make eating better easier, to make healthifying easier. I’ve hired a man with a van, or men with a ven, if you will, to help haul. And, um, dunno. I’m very very behind on email and work and trying not to overly berate myself. Having a hard time letting go of the need to keep up, produce, perform, perfect.
On Sunday my friends J and D brought their kids S (who is so very very tiny and new and bawling) and N (who is blue-eyed and sweet and indulgent of my imaginary games like eating invisible fruit and covering up the tiny invisible people on my couch so they can sleep. And he appreciated my Wild Thing doll, which endears him forever). They brought me a swatch from the Gates. It’s this lovely saffron blast of light â€“ you can almost feel the cool air on it still and the energy and excitement that went into creating it; they were giving them out to kids in the park. My goal is to get up there this week. To find someone who can walk through them while it is sunny and not too crowded. $20 million for 16 days. You’ve got to admire that kind of idealism. Yes, all the people you could feed. But it’s refreshing to remember art too.
People keep asking if they can help at all. So, I’m actually feeling the need for help with some things. Here they are, if you’re up for it:
1) installing my complicated new blinds
2) walk through the Gates with me on a sunny-ish weekday
3) caulking (okay, that’s really just a fantasy, but my moldy caulk is driving me crazy)
4) giving me ideas for relaxing vacations that don’t involve too much sun â€“ the doctor nixed my Mexico dreams; I’ll be photosensitive for six months after chemo. I’m looking for some sort of nature element, a spa element and not too much trekking around. But some sort of activity possibility. And if it can be car-free, all the better. I’m planning for something in March with T.